Saturday, January 28, 2006

Jack Bauer is my hero

Subject: Jack Bauer Facts

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Every time you think about sex Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you thought about sex, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

Jack Bauer saved Private Ryan.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. No man plays Jack Bauer.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing his self until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer's death was not staged. Jack came back to life after Satan was too scared to let him into Hell.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

Only Jack Bauer can prevent forest fires. The thing is, he doesn't bother.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Jack Bauer came up with the idea to can and sell his own urine, that product is known as Red Bull.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack
Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Some leftovers from Christmas

Sorry for leaving Buster up there so long. People have advised me it's pretty depressing to come back and see him each time. I think we're through the mourning period, so it's ok to move on.

I think we all have this lingering sense of how great Christmas was when we were kids. You lose it through high school and college and your twenties, and it's a little depressing. Now that I have two little kids, I'm staring to understand why it was so great, and I'm confident it had nothing to do with Jesus. Michael is at an age where everything is simple and fascinating. It's therapeutic to spend so much time with someone like that. There's something simple and pure about Christmas that appeals to children... presents, Christmas lights, a train around the Christmas tree. A few very simple observations from our holidays:

Michael's pretty sure everything on the earth belongs to him. Both my boys got big huge tonka trucks at my in-laws house. The next morning Michael woke up and was playing with Matthew's truck, so we told him he needed to give it to Matthew. He responded by saying, 'It's my Matthew's truck.' Pretty impressive, not yet three... already re-defining the rules of grammar. Maybe you'd call it a 'double possessive.'

We're driving home from my parents in Wisconsin, and we're in Charleston, WV driving over a bridge. It's like 11:30 at night, so he should be asleep, but he's wide awake, and he says, 'Mommy, we're going over a bridge!' He was pretty excited about the tunnels in WV as well. I wish I could get that excited about going over a bridge or through a tunnel.

Whenever we opened presents, Matthew would open one and be content playing with the paper for the rest of the day. Not so much with Michael. My brother-in-law's family has this tradition of playing bingo Christmas day. Everybody brings a bunch of extra presents that you lay out on a table and when you win a round of bingo you grab a present. Then we open them all at the end. I cleaned up this year. Michael helped me open my presents because he seemingly can't open enough presents, even though he gets that they're daddy's presents and nothing he can really play with. I was amazed and slightly frustrated at how quickly he could tear through a present and then, without even looking at it, ask for the next one so he could open it. Maybe that's why Eve took the bite out of the apple, because no matter how well things are going in our lives, there's something in us that always thinks what's under the paper will make our lives better than they are now. Or maybe something's in us that thinks what's under the paper will make our lives better because Eve took that bite out of the apple. Whatever the case it made me think part of that simplicity factor has already disappeared in Michael.