Pavlov's Dogs and My Bible
I have a confession to make. I guess if you grew up with the American public education system, somewhere along the way you learned about Pavlov's dogs and conditioned response, how they eventually heard the bell and started salivating even when there was no food.
That's a little bit how I feel about my Bible, especially in the morning. I grew up spiritually in an environment where I was encouraged to have a 'quiet time' (sounds like a Christian version of 'time out') each morning. This 'quiet time' became my spiritual barometer. If I was having regular 'quiet times', I was doing good spiritually, regardless of what happened when I was quiet or whatever else was in my heart and my life. Some 'quiet times' I felt God's presence. Many times I read 5 chapters only to not have any idea what those 5 chapters contained 5 minutes after I read them. Many times it was so 'quiet' I fell asleep.
I've never been really good at it. I'm not terribly disciplined. Therefore, the 'quiet time' became my enemy, my constant reminder that I'm not good at being spiritual, that I am a hypocrite because I act good but don't have a 'quiet time', so I'm not really good. It came to be a bad experience even when it was good because I was never consistent enough.
The Bible has been more alive for me the past few years than ever. But the other morning, I woke up (without my kids waking up at the same time... rare) and started towards my Bible... and I got this churning in my stomach telling me 'You're not a good Christian because you don't do this often enough'. Hence the comparison to Pavlov's dogs. I realize it's not my spiritual barometer anymore, but I still am conditioned to feel like it is. Something of a breakthrough for me because realizing it helps me get past it, but still kind of saddening nonetheless, and my guess is that I'm not alone in feeling like this.
posted by jeff @ 4:19 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I took 'quiet time' off my 'list' for that exact reason. When I found myself going to read my bible, when I was finished I didn't remember much of what I read and it certainly didn't do me much good. Honestly, those 'quiet times' come far and few between now but when they do I tend to find a lot more meaning and understanding coming from the time when I'm doing it outside of my normal routine. I'm tied on whether its a good thing or a bad thing. It's probably a bad thing, but its food for thought nonetheless.
I feel the same way about praying before meals. For me,it often becomes more of a habit, or outward showing of spirituality than a true expression of thanks.
Right on with what aaron said about praying before meals. I feel like so often it is the case of obligation. Especially when grace is a rehersed prayer (this is how I feel, but realize it may not be the case for everyone). In general I feel blessed and very thankful that I can fill my tummy when I am hungry... compared to some that are less fortunate and cannot. I find that a prayer after or during the meal sometimes even means more. Also... I know God can perform miracles and all... but what's up with praying that pizza or hotdogs will be nutritious to this body? I don't see any evidence of hotdogs or pizza turning into vegetable miracles going on.... Maybe instead of praying that it would be nutritious to our bodies...we should evaluate what we put in the cart when we buy it and say our grace while we are in the grocery store? Maybe the miracle is that we don't have to buy the pizza, cause we can afford a much healthier meal for the same price (how about Rotisserie Chicken?) Nothing in excess... or else gluttony sets in. But where one persons gluttony may be food, another's gluttony will be some other object. Let's reevaluate the rituals we were raised on (grace, quite time, saying "I love you" when we don't really mean it) and attempt them when we can attribute true meaning to the act; Saying it and doing it when we really mean it. Let's be real with ourselves and God...as Jeff has encouraged, only by recognizing the sin in our lives will we be able to grow or stay closer to God.
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